The power of the real “L” word

Let’s discuss Love. This is going to be a short post as what can someone actually say about the word Love? I’m sure you are immediately thinking of a whole mess of things that would define the word.

But guess what? That’s your definition. Not one word in any language will mean the exact same thing to two people. Sorry. It’s true. Unless you want to grab Webster’s dictionary and go by the letter of ‘their’ dictionary definition and force everyone to use the same one, you are out of luck on this one.  Because if you then go to Oxford’s definition, you might have to duke it out.

You may still be shaking your head thinking this girl’s off her rocker. Well, you might be right. Then again, maybe not.

To someone who was raised in a wonderful, affirming, self-esteem-building family, love is probably a pretty positive word. To another who was raised in abuse and ‘I love you” SMACK! as they hit them across the face – they probably view love as something dirty and awful. Or, if they believe love might be better, as something unattainable for one such as them.

Ah…yes, see. Love can mean many things, can’t it? For some people, love is physical, for others emotional. For some? It’s a whole religious thing they can’t quite explain because to be honest they don’t understand it, but the only thing keeping them walking upright is the belief in an unknown god who says he loves them and yet allows X, Y, and Z to happen to good people.

See what I mean? Defining love is kind of like standing at the edge of the ocean with a Q-tip and expecting to hold back the tide.

So, if we can’t define love, how do we know when we’ve found it?

What if Love can’t be ‘found’? What if it can only be experienced? Think about it. Why do we have ‘comfort foods’? They make us feel comfort, happiness, and just plain make us feel better. In essence, while you’re sitting on the sofa sick as a dog eating Ben & Jerry Ice Cream, the reason you feel better is not necessarily the 1200 fat calories you just ate. Nope. It’s how it made you feel emotionally.

Having sex with someone who makes you feel so flippin' good about yourself you want to be with them again and again. Eating the food that makes you feel good. Exercising for two hours a day because of how good it makes you feel.

We are all searching for Love, right? I wonder, though, if what we are actually searching for is what makes us feel ‘loved’.

If you were leaving Earth forever, what three things/people would you take with you? Not flippant answers and you don’t have to say them out loud and you don’t have to tell another soul about it. But if you truly thought about it and answered truthfully, the reason you chose those people/things is not because they are what you love. They are what make you feel loved. And who wouldn’t want to have those/them around if you were cutting off the rest of your Earth life?

And by the way. That's not selfish. Nope. It's not. We should desire to be surrounded by that which makes us feel good, comforted, safe, special, desired,...LOVED.

But how did I lose the love I had?

This one is more difficult. I've been there. And no, you are not going to hear me say “It’s better to have loved and lost…blah blah blah” because as far as I’m concerned, those words are rude. If you look over your life days, weeks, and months preceding this loss of what(who)ever you loved, you will probably see a repeating pattern. Either you began to treat this loved item/person with contempt, ridicule, or disrespect, or you just lost the desire for it.

It’s a hard pill to swallow to realize we pushed what we loved away. But it’s the truth. But that’s not to say it’s gone forever. If you change how you feel about the item, send it love (emotionally, not calling the ex twenty-five times a day), and let it go. Ask the universe/divine mind/god/all that is to bring you it’s equal and then work on treating that love better.

1. Change your attitude
2. Stop complaining
3. Only have good things to say about things/people, even those you can’t stand at first
4. Open up your heart to something ‘more’

Believe it or not, sometimes we lose what we Love because something better is on its way. We’ve asked for this thing but it hasn’t appeared, but what it’s replacing has gone and we feel like we’re in a dinghy in the middle of the ocean without a paddle.

Don’t Panic.

Relax, bless the love that is lost with happiness/joy/the best life, and focus on how amazing it will feel when the new love is in your life.

All right, now that you’re blissed out in that thought, who has the Ben & Jerry? I have a hankering for some Peanut Butter Cup…And I'm not sick or feeling down or anything. In fact? My life is exceptionally amazing. 

Now figure out what/who makes you feel loved and love it right back.