Sometimes it's hard to look on the bright side

After 5 years of working 8-20 hours a day every day on my writing, I'm finally at the point of accepting that "Do what you love and the money will follow" isn't working for me.

I have to believe there's got to be another reason that all my hard work hasn't paid off. I figure, over the 5 year span of time, I made about $5/day. Which comes out to about what? $0.30 an hour?

And I haven't just been working on my writing. I've been working hard on me. I've done so much and changed so much, so why isn't my external world reflecting my internal world?

I'm a writer - it's WHO I am. But since I can't make a living on it, it looks like I'm going to have to go out and get a job - I HATE JOBS. They don't work for me. They're awful, and constrictive, and squash me until I'm a writhing mess on the floor. The last JOB I had made me suicidal.

I'm bummed and feel like crying, but am desperately scrambling to figure out what went wrong and how I can change things around.

I can't live like this. And yet I can't live like 'that' either.

I'm not sure what went wrong. I'd say maybe it's just that I'm fundamentally wrong, but that tends to annoy my guardians and guides.

I'm tired. I could break into tears at any moment.

Stop the world. I want to get off.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pity Party: Party of one

It is difficult looking into the mirror when I am dealing with having what I have to call a midlife crisis. It took so long to get passed my past. I still struggle with some things, but others I have overcome in a large way. So here I sit - I don't feel 43 for the most part, but the hard thing is - I am.  All the things most people are learning in their early 20s, I am dealing with. Now, that would not be bad if I was 21. But I am not 21. I'm 43. The only single men around me are divorced. Most with children. Great. Just what I wanted. (And yes, that was sarcasm.) Not to mention the fact that I seem to attract men I would never be attracted to, not in a million years. Yeah - definitely putting out the wrong vibration.
Read more

Review: Bob Proctor 10-week Intensive Coaching Program

OK, I did it. I completed the Bob Proctor 10-week Intensive Program. And intensive it was!~ This program has its good points and its bad points, all which will be mentioned here. But make no mistake about it - If I had it all to do over again, I would! The Bob Proctor Intensive was a 10-week program that used "You Were Born Rich", one of Bob's programs, as its base. The first four weeks were spent with reading intently, watching the DVDs intently, and listening to CDs of the DVDs intently. The last four weeks were spent working toward a specific goal.
Read more

End of one Journey, beginning of a new one

Image
When I started this blog in August 2008, I had no idea where my journey would take me. I only knew it had started the winter before with the watching of What the Bleep Do We Know? And reading The Secret 2 months later. I could see how I attracted what I didn’t want. When the Boundless Living Challenge (went defunct in 2013) came up – 45 days to a goal – I jumped in. If you’ve read my first 2-3 months of blog posts, you’ll see how much that changed me. I mean, I went from mostly negative with a small percentage of blah to being positive at least 50% of the time. That’s tremendous! While I haven’t blogged as much as I did then, I have kept up my journey. I’ve had amazing moments. I’ve had disheartened moments. And I’ve let you travel it along with me because I thought people needed to see that they were okay, that having ups and downs was normal. The journey that started Winter 2008 ended in Summer 2013. In late Summer/early Fall 2013, I started a new journey – a higher journey e
Read more