A big BOOM on Day 22 of #40days of meditation

Whoa. It's been quite a day. So I've been using grounding meditations the last couple days as I decided it was way past time I learned to communicate with the external beings who keep trying to contact me.

They've been ringing in my ears for two years - for the first year and a half, I thought some strange things about it. Since the ringing happened often when I was writing Highlander Romances, and stopped the moment I stopped writing them, I figured someone was trying to tell me I shouldn't write those. Don't laugh ;) Every time for weeks when I would work on an HR, within moments the ringing started and the moment I stopped, the noise stopped. So I put all my Highland romances away and stopped writing them entirely.

Then the sound came up again while I was doing nothing. And then again when I was doing something different. Then, about 7 months ago, I was going nutso because it started and wouldn't stop. For three days I did not get much sleep because of the noise going on in my ears.

Now to give you some backstory, I was doing channeled writing before I was writing the Highlander romances but stopped because I couldn't tell if what I was writing was me or if it was external beings. I thought it was them because the voice was so different than my own. So correct. So old fashioned. But with no way to tell, I gave it up. Okay, and I got frustrated. People say the angels are ready and willing to tell you whatever you need to know, and that all you need to do is ask. And I would ask and the beings I was channeling would either ignore my question or say that it didn’t matter. I think once I tossed my pen clear across the room in defeat.

So, 7 months ago when I was considering jamming something in my ear (Okay, I wasn't SERIOUSLY considering that, but it was driving me crazy) I looked up ringing and odd sounds in a metaphysical arena online. BINGO! I found that people who are awakening to the divine can get ringing and other odd sounds in their ears. (Mine kind of sounded like I was underwater.) So I realized that my angels (and for me that word contains all interdimensional and spiritual beings) were trying to communicate. So I tried to go back to channeled writing but again I was stuck with a "is this me or is this Memorex" moment. I again got frustrated and stopped. 

My entire life I've had difficulties connecting with the divine. In 2003 I found an article that explained why. 

So here I was with the knowledge that angels want to communicate with me and I was still stuck in the 'I can't break through' mode. Since I've been moving higher and higher for months on the vibrational scale and especially since I started the "I am Love" mantra, I decided it was time to break down that barrier. 

Hello! During a time of spiritual growth, there is also often a time of destruction - of stuff you may not know about coming up and splattering all over the place. That's kind of what happened to me today.

I'm working through a book I've had for months called Ask Your Angels by Alima Daniel, Timothy Wyllie, and Andrew Ramer. I went through the first section but I guess I wasn't ready to attack the work section before. I attacked it now.

And it attacked back. Or more to the point, brought up something I didn't think was an issue anymore, but apparently was. That was a shock. There I was, working through things I needed to release and suddenly one of the events that I didn't think was any big deal brought up a TON of negative emotion. I'm talking metric tons of pain-filled, excruciating emotion that turned to anger when I realized this had been clogging up my energy centers for four decades.

Well there was no way I was going to push that emotion back into a safe spot – because that’s essentially what I was trying to release in the first place, the hiding of my emotions from myself and others. So I let myself feel it. And I tapped (EFT) through it. If you know about EFT, I went from a 10 to a 9 to a 8, but by then I was wrung out and couldn’t take anymore. I shut down.

I made lunch, listened to a fiction book on audio, and basically stayed away from it for a couple hours to give myself a psychic break. But I wasn’t going to let it beat me. This was blocking my energy centers and I am not going to be stopped by old garbage. So, I recorded meditations to release each of my stuck points and even while I was recording the meditation for that specific issue, I had a hard time keeping the emotions at bay.

And then I got to going through the meditation and dumping the garbage. Within each release meditation, I called upon my angel to help. The first three things I dumped I felt okay after they were done. But then I came to the releasing of this numbing, dissociative, shutting down thing. And I barely held back from bursting into tears. In fact, at one point, I was probably two seconds from losing it and suddenly… all that emotion, the tension, the angst, the horror was gone. Just gone. And I felt utterly empty as if a huge chunk of me was now empty space.

I’m sure I’ll have to release smaller parts of this again and again until it’s all gone from me, but WHOA! That was such an intense clearing and such an intensive day of energy work.

And I’m sure it’s because this is where I am now. That I am ready to release all the old stuff, even the stuff I didn’t realize held such horrible memories and emotions. So the desire for meditation and the love for myself I’ve been feeling have helped to stir up the stuff that needed expunged.

But boy does being expunged like that wear a person out.

For those of you who are asking if I’m able to communicate with my angels yet, the answer is yes and no. Since last night, I’ve seen flashes of color that instantly disappeared and they were the colors of certain spiritual visiting archangels. I also saw some huge splatters of purple and green paint in spots where they had no right to be.

And I’ve been learning the metaphysical signs for the last few years. Insects, numerology, animals, etc. So yes, I can communicate somewhat. But as for hearing what they have to say rather than hearing the sound in my ear, not yet. I need to work through the aligning chapter to align with that vibration. And if I don’t end up being clairaudient, then I will try channeled writing again. And try not to get frustrated :)

It’s exciting and shocking (to realize just how much of an energy block I had hidden from myself) to see my growth and all the wonderful things that are showing up in my life due to it all.

Onward and upward peeps :)

As an addendum, as I was writing this I had a bit of an epiphany. Perhaps some of the overwhelming emotion had to do with clearing out what was left over from my alters. We joined for the most part years ago and the last alter, the one who was with me the longest, melted into the background three years ago. I'll have to look into that.