Day 23 - Emotionless

(Originally posted Aug 11, 2008 Boundless Living Challenge)


Well, this morning I realized what was happening to me. It is a behavior I created as a child so that outside sources wouldn't hurt me (which of course, didn't really work, I just didn't feel the emotion at the time). Problem is - they came back.

I was trying to do my 10-10 list and it took almost 15 minutes to come up with 3 things I was grateful for. While I was writing the 3rd one, I realized I was not feeling any emotion to what I was writing. That was when it hit me; that I was being emotionless, and this was not the state I wanted to be in. To tap out negative emotions, you are supposed to feel them. If you can't feel, hows that gonna work?, I thought.

So, I decided to tap on having no emotion, which led to tapping on why I had no emotion, which led to what having no emotion was doing to me, which led to the fact that it was taking me down a path I no longer needed to go, which led me to the thought that if I couldn't get out of this I was not going to get where I wanted to be. Each path led me to a new realization I needed to work on. I was definitely emotional for the whole thing. A definite 10 on a 0-10 scale. The whole thing wore me out and I fell asleep and slept for 2 hours!

After waking up, I went to the gym and did a whole 60- minute workout, but I only felt partially there. I'm still not feeling anything. I have spent so much of my life stuck in an unemotional wasteland that protected me from terrible emotions as a child, but I no longer need that protection. I am an adult who can fend for herself.

Now - to get that information into me . . .

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